Every year, just like other entrepreneurs, I set my goals and figure out how I will accomplish them.
This year, again, I set my goals, but this year things are very different.
After 9.5 years my best friend, Bo, has passed on at the age of 13.5.
Now, Bo was an awesome dog. He knew when someone was sad, and he comforted them. He would give paw for yes and no paw for no. He would raise his eyebrow at me when I was laughing at myself.
But along with his awesomeness were challenges.
He went for 3 walks a day and was allergic to a lot of food (including all meats) so I had to cook his food for him. He ate 3 times a day and demanded a snack at noon.
I was out there with him no matter the weather, rain, snow, high humidity, we were out there.
There was also stress.
Bo was afraid of other dogs as he’d been bitten and bullied a few times.
Bo was also a half American Pit Bull Terrier which led to some ignorant experiences.
We had a machete pulled, death threats yelled, warnings given unnecessarily, a bike and a cane used at weapons against him for simply walking by.
My loving, friendly dog was discriminated against for the way he looked.
I only ever wanted everyone to see the love that made him who he was. It ran so deep through all of his being.
He got old and after years of keeping him safe and working on keeping him healthy, I couldn’t stop time.
9.5 years ago.
When I was given Bo, he was named Jimbo and we walked home an hour in pouring rain.
I had never had a dog before, sure I had walked a neighbour’s dog and seen my father and grandfather’s dogs but having my own was entirely different.
I felt awkward.
But soon we grew a bond that everyone could see as we walked.
While I got sicker and sicker, he gave me a reason to get out of bed.
While I was staying in my grandma’s spare bedroom, he gave me the strength to keep going.
Bo was the one who got me out talking to people despite my anxiety and depression.
He got me through a lot.
But over time I figured out my symptoms bit by bit, and even though I’m not entirely healthy yet, I’m in a very different place mentally and emotionally than I was 9.5 years ago.
So New Year, New Me has a whole new meaning coming into 2019.
This means finding a whole new normal for me.
I don’t have 3 walks a day, extra meals to cook, added stress, or that friend to laugh with or talk to.
I used to think that I was good alone, but it turns out that thanks to Bo, I was just good without people.
Now my world is entirely different.
I have less distractions from my work and myself.
I am now on a journey to find what is normal for me and really look at where I’m going and what I want.
I used to want a house because I wanted a yard for Bo. I sometimes thought of getting my license, so I could take Bo for car rides. And I used to say that if a guy didn’t greet Bo first, he wasn’t for me.
The question now is;
What do I want for me?
The answer to this is, I don’t know.
I have not experienced life enough to know what I want.
- I know what I don’t want.
- I don’t want to be sick any more.
- I don’t want to bend or break my boundaries any more.
- I don’t want to keep playing small any more.
- I don’t want to use others as my reasons any more.
So, I guess you can say, I want experiences.
I want to live big and true to me.
I want to find the magick of truly living and share that with others.
2019 Here I come!
Full of wonder and excitement while remaining humble with the loss of my best friend and thinking of him every step of the way.